hugintheraven:

So, let’s run through some of the Avengers and how they would carry children. Because why not.

Steve Rogers: Sling on his back. He’s already used to having the weight of his shield there, and in a combat situation the baby is automatically covered by the shield.

Tony Stark: Would build a baby-carrying robot. The robot flies and has a force field. It immediately starts kidnapping children. Tony abandons the baby to fight it. Do NOT trust Tony Stark with a child.

Bruce Banner: Would buy a papoose because it looks practical, would use it because he likes feeling the kid against him.

Clint Barton: Canonically has children. Probably carried a bassinet. Has definitely run into trouble trying to juggle all of the things in his hands and also the baby.

Natasha: The cool aunt to Clint’s 3 kids. Uses a papoose because she wants her hands free to corral the children while still keeping ahold of the baby. Has promised Clint that, if necessary, she can kill a man while holding 3 children. He trusts her to only do so if she has absolutely no other choice.

Thor: Shows up with his own bassinet. It’s gold and flies. During combat situations it closes an armored shell and plays soothing music so the child doesn’t get scared. He plays with the child constantly.

T’Challa: Carried Shuri in a sling often when he was younger and responsible for her, even while exercising. Has done it at least once since then to prove he could still carry her through an entire obstacle course. She refused to get down and he spent 2 hours hauling her around. Nobody makes any comment on the situation.

Vision: Has downloaded every parenting advice book in existence. Calls Wanda for help 10 minutes in. Never successfully takes the child anywhere on his own.

Peter Parker: Can create a papoose out of webbing in under a second when needed. It even comes with extra neck support. He is extremely good with kids, to the surprise of no one except him.

Bucky Barnes: The unofficial Avengers babysitter. Can spot all dangerous objects in a room in under a second, put up with uncomfortable questions for hours without snapping, and loves having the nails on his left hand painted. Has a whole supply of baby gear that he chooses to fit the situation, including a variety of carry methods depending on what the child prefers and the specific situation. Leave your kids with him when you go on the run, he’ll take out a Hydra death squad to keep them safe and then make sure they eat their veggies before bed.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Actually brought a toddler into combat and left him basically unsupervised while they fought a giant monster. Still better parents than Tony Stark.

Chris Evans Strikes Back at Piers Morgan, Says Men Who Quantify Masculinity Are “Terrified on the Inside”