There’s only so much fight in a person. Only so much death you can take before you–
Before your friend picks you up, dusts you off, and tells you you’re the best damn soldier he’s ever met. Every fight we’ve seen could’ve been our last. Every bullet we dodged could’ve been the one. Odds don’t matter anymore. This fight has always been ours to finish.
I want you to know that no matter what happens, you’ve been a champion to the krogan people, a friend of Clan Urdnot, and a sister to me. To every krogan born after this day, the name “Shepard” will mean “hero”.
Had to be me. Someone else might’ve gotten it wrong.
I’ve never been part of a team. I’m learning the virtues of facing death with others at your side.
Thank you, Shepard. You gave me purpose. Now let’s find something big to kill.
Our scepticism was misplaced. Thank you.
Thank you, Commander. For letting the last voice of the Protheans speak. It has been a privilege.
Almost thought you weren’t going to make it, Shepard. Glad I was wrong.
Shepard, when this mess is over, drinks are on me. Be safe out there.
You know, I’m not sure that I’ve been wrong about Cerberus … but I’ve been wrong about you. I need you to know that I’ll never doubt you again. I’ve got your back.
It’s been an honour serving with you, Shepard.
Getting you to the ground alive is a responsibility I wouldn’t trust to anyone else.
I came on this ship firmly believing humanity was on its own in the galaxy. Shepard brought all these aliens on board, and there’s no way we could have accomplished what we did without them. I am proud to say I’d die for any member of this crew, regardless of what world they were born on.
This wasn’t a victory by a single fleet, a single army, or even a single species. If this war has taught us anything, it is that we are at our strongest when we work together.
Can’t wait to see what the hell you make us do next. It’s been a good ride.
You did good, child. You did good. I’m proud of you.
“Yeah, well most of the time I’m not being an idiot about it…”
Okay, real talk guys.
Today I decided to finally finish my ME3 playthrough with Ailith. I started dragging my feet more and more the closer I got to the end and playing the Citadel DLC. I didn’t really know why at first, but after going through the conversation with Joker again it hit me.
When Joker pointed out to Shepard that she was spiraling, that she was more stressed than she was on Akuze, and needed to acknowledge it… well it opened my eyes.
I started playing through the Mass Effect trilogy only about a year ago. I used it as one hell of an escape from the shit I was going through. The stress of college, my chronic pain, the possibility that I have a neurological condition… I used Mass Effect to forget it all. Just like I once did with Dragon Age.
Except… when I played through them all before I never had any issue. The emotional aspect didn’t stop me, the thought of Shepard dying didn’t stop me, the thought of losing everything didn’t stop me. When I played through them all with Ajax I just surged on. So what’s the difference?
Well, this time I made the harder decision. I romanced Thane.
I knew it was gonna be hard on me, I knew it was gonna make me cry… but I love Thane. He will always be my romance. So when I started getting closer to losing him, then reading his letter, and finally watching the vids he leaves for you… I couldn’t make myself do it. Today I realized why.
As I was playing through the games again as Ailith Shepard something else was happening in my life. My cat was slowly getting sicker and sicker, I was slowly losing him and I was in straight denial about it. I kept telling myself it would be fine, that he would be fine… but he wasn’t. He never got better.
Now I know some of you will say ‘He’s just a cat. Get another one.’ But you don’t really understand. He was my ESA, My Emotional Support Animal. Achilles was my damn lifeline. He gave me the only two years of his life to make sure I was okay. That I had the will to keep going.
He fought for months, through medication after medication, exam after exam, x-rays, and ultrasounds. In the end, he lost his eyesight. We had to put him through a five hundred dollar surgery to remove both eyes so he wouldn’t die, but it didn’t work.
I lost him two weeks later. Stage four lymphoma.
I sat there on the floor of my garage at one in the morning holding him so he knew he wasn’t alone.
Once he was gone I had to be the one to wrap his body up. I had to pull myself together and get him prepped for cremation. I had to take him to my vet the next day so he could be sent off for cremation.
After that, no one let me mourn.
That was three months ago now, and if I’m being honest. I’m still not okay.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.
So when I booted up the game and started fighting as Commander Ailith Shepard once more, I realized that losing Achilles was the reason I couldn’t finish Mass Effect 3 as Ailith the last time. If I finished it, it meant losing Thane too. Thane became my lifeline when Achilles couldn’t be there for me, but watching him die and knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
That stopped me in my tracks.
It hurt like hell… but I decided today that I would finish it.
So right now I’m sitting here with Achilles’ urn, and I’m facing it head-on.
I know I’m still in denial. I know I’m falling apart. I know I’m terrified.
By ending this I’m gonna have to face my fear, my pain, my hurt, but I have to do it. So I can move on.
I’ve always been grateful they didn’t put obligatory shootout sequences into Samara’s and Thane’s loyalty missions. They would have felt very out of place. Instead we can focus on the story and emotions in both missions.
Captain-Radioactive-Mentality 